Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
