how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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