You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
