There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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