i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
