Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
