Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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