Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i out mim tonsoeep
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