Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
