He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
