you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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