he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
