I got chris browned last night
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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