so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
