There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
