I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
