Already got asked if we're dating
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
