It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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