before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
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