Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
