remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
