yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
