Got a toothbrush?
he puts the penis in happiness.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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