My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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