I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
