That's when you crack a 10am beer
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
