my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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