if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize