I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
