sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
