are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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