my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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