I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
