the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
