I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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