the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
