he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
