I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
