They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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