Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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