I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
FUCK WHALES
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