It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
