he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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