Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
