i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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