there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Who died my cat blue again?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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