you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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