Ambien. No doubt about it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's always time for handjobs
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
