Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
