Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
