my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
