Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
