I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This is my gift to your gina
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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