I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
