I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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