Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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