So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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