Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
