Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I will be naked everywhere
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
