My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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