You smell like stripper and shame
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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