conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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