He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
