this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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