these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
