you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
