i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
