so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
