i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
