Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
