Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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