jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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