I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize