You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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