We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
