You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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