Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
