you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
there is glitter all over my balls
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