you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
