Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had to cum in my sink.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
