it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize