So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
