That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
