remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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