Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
