Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
