I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
