ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
