He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
