Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize