Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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