It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize