Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
