K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
