I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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