Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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