i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
