Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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