Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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