I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
