Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
