you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
