When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
