Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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