She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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