Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
