I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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