Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
