the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
