I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
