***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
