Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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