Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
