There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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