she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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