I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
