im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
