Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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