you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
