Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
