It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
