I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
