If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
