i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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